Painting Black: Thy will be done

Thy will be done

At the end of the day, it’s easier to blame myself for things that have gotten out of control. For two straight weeks, it hovered and loomed over like some dark cloud. I constantly castigated myself for not knowing well enough. I couldn’t even ask for help because I took hint from the very person I rely on that help can’t be offered this time around. I felt so alone. What made matters worse was the mix of subtle and overt message he conveyed that I should be able to stand on my own two feet. I wish I knew all the answers to every question in this world, let alone what she did that blew the whole thing out of proportion. But it’s easier still to blame myself and so I did. By the time I made the whole thing work, I was so exhausted and was feeling bad about myself. My conscience tells me it was a big enough problem when I found it and that if there’s one thing I should feel, it should be self-respect for finding a solution that saved it. God, I’m being too hard on myself, again.

This morning, while pondering about the hurdles of the past weeks, I thought I heard somebody whispered in my ear to let God worry about my problems…cast my burdens upon him. I could be thinking it subliminally, but I also believe in Divine Intervention, and this must be it. Then, as if loads of weight has been lifted off me, I felt light and calm. It’s now my mantra, and whatever happens, I know God is with me and all I can say is, God, Thy will be done, and I’d gladly accept.


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