Calloused

I'm sorry I forsake you
I'm sorry that I left you
I'm sorry I did forget you
And I'm sorry that I made myself feel better
By making you feel never good enough
I know you'll shine much brighter than I ever could
Maybe that is why I was scared of you
and in everything I do I'm still thinking of you
And I know you were scared of me
but everytime I tried to love you I just fell through
--Nelly Furtado

I don't know if I want to salvage anything, if at all. I want to wash myself clean...stay numb for a while, deadened. I am broken but I'd wallow in emptiness to see how far it can cripple me still -- the atonement for all the wrongs I've done. I'd like to believe I made you. But I don't have any right. For I myself am unwhole...broken. I like watching you drift away like you do...only to swim your way back to me. You always do. It is now your fault. There will never be a better version of me. This is what I am...I am sorry.